So, 'gender roles' have been on my mind a lot. I never really thought this deeply about them until this relationship. This man has made me truly truly think and realize what women are asking for when we scream for equality.
However, what I like too, is that he has his biases as well. He has a few gender role hangups, and he's quite the macho man stepping in to protect me at all costs.
What makes me bristle, is the whole manprovider role and wife caretaker role vs equal providers or womanprovider and mancaretaker scenario a few friends will bring up.
I have control issues. Severe control issues, esp since my marriage crumbled and I did my best to make that work. What didn't I do or try? And to a degree, we had 'traditional' roles. He worked, I was housewife. He met me working, and I became a mom while I was working. And then I became a stay at home mom.
Depending on him for money came hard. And eventually, I settled down and made myself make it work. I always looked for ways to make my own. Avon, slushes from home, opening a store, always something. Because I was used to being able to have my own. And being raised by a single supermom must have had more of an effect on me than I realized.
When I left that man, I had $50 a week coming in after the mortgage. Not many knew. I had helping hands. And that's one thing I am eternally grateful for, constant helping hands in different forms, and a few steadfast ones I can bet my life on.
This made my approach completely different in my next relationship. I wouldn't ask him for a shit. I would be hard down and out and never told him. A few friends were like, surprised. Attitude being, "Ain no man ga beat this up and don't get up off no cash." Seriously.
And i couldn't think that way. I tried. Sex is seen as some thing that women use as a manipulation tool. And there's always a hubbub about men being men and so macho that, apparently, as receivers we must be 'paid' and as givers they must 'pay'. Well, I get the whole treasuring myself. I truly do. But putting a dollar value on the 'treasure' seems to lessen the treasure...
Anyhow, in this relationship, I have been more independent and aggressive. I've only begun to ask for things, well, money, in the past year with no hesitancy or fear. But, common sense would say, if I am working more stable, and making more, I would foot more of the bills.
There's more for consideration though that screams double standard. He's more present with the kids. The school and ballet studio staff know him, not me. When a woman is in this role, it is ok for it to be expected that the man will take care of her, esp if she's not working or making as much. Reverse roles and we have women shrieking about men being punks and women encouraging that shit.
The scream for equality covers sex and home roles. You can't have double standards or be selective about what you want equal rights to.
Hell, if a man throws it down, and damn good, how many women are willing to 'pay' for it? If he's daddy of the year, and to kids that aren't biologically his, why is there a problem?
I know of blended families where money flows both ways and there is no fight. Gender roles aren't really 'defined' and it all works. Then there are confused chicas, screaming how they can hold it down, but pissed when a man who's interested doesn't jump to help or get that deeply involved. Or, the minute bodily fluids are exchanged, money is expected.
I see why men are baffled by us, I see why they sometimes are so stink to us and fewer and fewer want to go further than a casual roll or two.
Every woman should be able to stand on her own without a man. Emotionally and financially.
