Hyperventilating...

I got a joyous call yesterday.  It informed me of a surprise, both good and bad.  Because I had so many things on my mind that could be bad, I begged to be told what it was because I wasn't for bad news.

His car is in my yard.  My car is in my yard.  And when I got home last night, so much angst came running back that I realized I didn't want my car anymore.  I couldn't stand the sight of it.  It choked me.

We sat outside listening to him starting his car and playing the music. He was like a Cheshire Cat.  A comment to me yesterday made me laugh inside.  He told me that I think he's playing around when he sleeps by his parents.  I told him no I don't.  Insert cheesy grin.

He's made some references that have unnerved me a bit and cut my breath.  Like "our kitchen" and referencing that a certain someone is not allowed back around the house despite the kids.

I feel the building, I feel the coming together.  I feel so much and over it all, I feel terrified.  I am scared...I can feel him in ways that words aren't coming to mind to say...