1 January 2013

So here we are.  A new year.  The kids return to school tomorrow.  Work continues.  Life pushes on.  Standing in the crowd at Junkanoo I wondered, why is the comraderie so intense at places like these, but we hate each other so in daily life?

I rode a wave of screams and laughs as we all hollered for the Saxons.  We swayed and sang.  What a rush. There were couples on beat, and bleachers bowing under the weight.

Just before this, the Valley went past and THAT was also a rush.  It built momentum to want to see what the Saxons would do.  But, the crowd cheered for them as well, and I joined in the sway.  Below us, he was telling Jojo to never bring a Walleyboy home or she will get put out.  I was crying in laughter.  One woman was saying it couldn't be that serious!  I told her, boy look here, he ain even bounce to dey beat.

And I have watched him.  At the rushout in August last year, he barely bounced a muscle to any other group, he ain bat an eye and I was jigging constantly.  When the Saxons came out, he was in the center of the street with his shirt off, limber waist "outta control".  I wasn't "with' him then.  I watched from a distance and felt the rush as the tune played and the crowd picked up along with it, "...three little birds, beside my doorstep, singing sweet songs of melodies pure and true..."  My mind raced back to that today.  Same song playing, this time the WHOLE group rocking and swaying Bay Street with awesome costumes.

Earlier, I saw him out the corner of my eye point me and the kids out to some guy he was laughing with.  They were jabbing at each other being from different groups.  I heard him say "My kids".  I don't know why, but this tickles the fuck out of me every time.  That's the only way to explain it.

And again when we were walking to the buses to get home.  We were running at each other like big kids, fighting over a cup he scored.  We stopped to hail people on and off and he introduced me to an old schoolmate and they reminisced and made me laugh about life back then for them.  And how quickly it has passed.

What made me ache last week and this week though, were the lack of those words.  It bothers me out of the blue and I keep shirking it off.  But a text that says "Happy New Year, baby" seems so nekkid, and I for one, even though I beat him to it, wouldn't be putting the "I love you" or "Love ya" behind it.  Those are words that will never come from me again.  Well, maybe if he said them...I don't know.