I often look at people and wonder about the journey to the very person they are in that given moment.
My mind has been crazy spinning. There are so many things I want to do and so many that I dream of, I take a deep breath and settle for not ever getting half of them done.
As of late, I have become a soccer mom, a ballet mom, and drill sergeant mom. I no longer clean the sink int he bathroom, or the tub, or the dishes in the kitchen, or sweep the floor, or clean the kids' bedrooms. I have turned that shit over to the professional mess makers. I mean, how can I ever get my areas clean if I am constantly going back over theirs? It's been almost two weeks, I feel less stressed.
My almost seven year old has embraced ballet and my nine year old as sucked up soccer. I look at them and weep inside. He will be a high schooler after the next school year, she is taking the GLAT before June 2015. Where are my babies?
My desire for a baby comes and goes, ebbs and wanes, surges and subsides, you get the idea...lol. I find myself snuggling the "babies" at work a little more, accepting wet kisses with a light heart and enjoying them so much more. I can give those buggers back before 4pm, ya dig? lol
I miss my mother, my dad I barely think about, I remember him, but he's a ghost of a man because I have lived twice as long without him than I have with him. It irks me because what I remember most, is how deeply I loved and admired him, but some days cannot recall exactly what it was I adored and admired. Does that make sense?
Two years later and I am no more divorced than when I started out and actually more attached to this man than I would like. Which makes no sense to anyone because, well, I live with him and more people recognize him as my kids father than don't. It is simply a matter of, he's flighty when he's ready.
He can't keep still. He won't tell me he loves me. He's got babymamma issues. He's a MAN. Dammit, I can go on. He's an island child at heart and I watch him yearn for the ocean, but fulfill duties that need to be fulfilled first, most of the time.
Would I want to run off to an island with him and start over, hellfukknyeah! Then I think of the roots I've put down. The schools I've finally settled on for my kids, my job...
This post makes no sense, it rambles, and I am so over due...eh.
